So, I’m in my last year of college and I am not smoking, barely drinking and I have no time to meditate. I constantly feel like something is chasing me. My heart rate surges for no reason and I am left out of breath with chest pains. If I got a paper cut I would probably begin to cry uncontrollably, not because of the minor cut but because I would feel as though everything in my life is going wrong.
What is this all about?
I needed to let someone know what I was going through so who better to call than my big sister? I started off the conversation with “I’m always anxious and out of breath” and she says “and you’re always sleepy and on the verge of crying your eyes out?” How did she know? She explained to me that she had experienced the same symptoms the year before. She was in her last year of college as well with no career set up for after graduation. She told me that what I was going through was normal and I needed to just calm down.
She was so right. I need to calm down and face the facts. I am not just scared, I’m absolutely terrified of the future. After beginning an internship to see what my “dream job” would be like, I’m having a change of heart. I know that I can do it, but I’m not sure if I would enjoy doing it. I’m also afraid of letting everyone down who really have some big dreams for me. What if I graduate and I’m stuck with a bunch of debt and no career and no real money to live a good life? What then?
In the midst of all of my contemplating, I was able to reason with myself. Ashley, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You’re still young; you have your whole life ahead of you. Life is short, you might as well live a good one and stop all your worrying.
I feel like my panic attacks come from my subconscious fear of failing. It becomes a real issue when I don’t express those fears and pretend like they aren’t even there. I have to allow myself to be vulnerable and stop trying to be perfect.
I hope that opening up about what I have been dealing with helps others who have been dealing with this same issue or something similar. Feel free to comment and let me know what has helped you beat anxiety and panic attacks.